Over the weekend, Richard and I binged the first season of Couples Therapy. Transfixed with other people’s trauma, we passed a punnet between us and offered helpful suggestions to the four couples untangling themselves, with our mouths full of ice cream. It was messy and addictive and the perfect pre-premenstrual activity.
Therapist Dr Orna Guralnik makes an art form of deep listening, performing relationship microsurgery to reveal a pair of stories and wounds, gently laying them bare for all to see how they cross and diverge from each other. The impasse revealed. Don’t we all need help to see ourselves and the way forward?
That night I dreamt I was traversing the edge of a cliff, terrified and balancing with my back body as if pressed to a pane of glass. Three hours with Orna was evidently insufficient because she appeared just as I got stuck. She encouraged me to reach over and wiggle rocks the way you would before crossing a stream to test how stable or slippery a stone might be. We talked about going with the give in each unsteady step and she was so patient, just like in the show - leaning forward on her forearms in deep presence.
Eventually my whole body flooded with relief at crossing and I found a seatbelt strap to hold onto so I could lean over and peer down the sheer rock face.
As Orna then reached out protectively to stop me from leaning over too far, she herself fell! With my heart in my throat, I watched her body twist and tumble through the air and catch some of the rough edges of rock jutting out. As she disappeared from view, I clung to my strap, stricken that I’d killed her and I woke myself and Richard by moaning loudly for her loss at 4am.
My optimistic take is that after being thoroughly supported, maybe I subconsciously deemed myself strong enough to continue on alone?
Which is convenient because last night, on cycle day 22, I felt my armour wearing thin and self doubt creep in.
In 8 days I’ll find out whether or not I’ve been awarded the biggest grant I’ve ever asked for, to record Period Queen as an audio book and to tour My Greatest Period Ever to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Waiting to be awarded, or not is a common dilemma for artists. In the darkest, potentially most premenstrual moments, it can feel like you don’t deserve a magic seat belt strap or a safe passage and that maybe you’re not even on the right cliff.
More reflections on womanifesting -
You know the most wonderful thing about going for a grant (and if you think you want to, you definitely should) is that even if you don’t get the thing, the connection it gives you to your ‘wanting’ is priceless. The momentum gathered by imagining yourself doing the things that you really want to do, with support, a plan, outcomes and whatever it will prepare you for next is a powerful gift that keeps giving long after the application deadline. And, as with all projects and relationships, this wanting (to take my theatre show to the biggest stage I can) will be weathered and shaped by my own ebbs and flows. Note, I said weathered - not biffed off the cliff!
To that end, along with this month’s cycle, herewith a dedication to my Take Phase :
To putting one foot in front of the other even if the path is unpredictable
To servicing my seatbelt straps
To ‘doing all my things’ that support me in my murkiest hours like -
Meditating
Journalling and
Just today I LOVED this podcast with Red School on the power of cycles and it reminded me to remember this quote from Period Queen-
“Stay soft, you’re stronger that way.”
Wishing you softness in whatever phase you find yourself.
If you want some support with finding softness or connection your phases - my online course, Explore Your Power is for you. Three supported cycles to embrace and channel what is wonderful about you all month long. If you want this is person, see below.
And for every Period Queen book sold in the month of May, I’ll be donating all monies (including books costs and postage) to Palestinian refugees. I’m up to $180 so far.
Thanks for reading and sharing - it means so much.
All power to you,
Lucy x
P.s. Cycle Remedy is open now and
and I are loving hearing from you about why you’re excited to join us in October.It seems that everyone is longing for; A rare chance to truly unwind, a community of women, a deep dive deep into cyclical self-care and personal growth, space for end of year reflection and time in nature with forest bathing and ocean swimming
US TOO. Spaces are very limited so get in touch if you have any questions, we cant wait to retreat with you!